“LifeLines is a monthly column dedicated to addressing issues of mental, behavioural, and social health. The column appears on the 1st weekend of the month, and is written by professionals in the field of social work, mental health, and community medicine”.

By Michele de la Coudray-Blake

In the past few months, residents of St. Kitts and Nevis have had to face the issue of suicide in our midst, among people that we see, interact with, and care for. A natural consequence of these types of unfortunate tragedies is that people look for logical and rational reasons to attribute to the act, so that a sense of order and control can be re-established in their own minds. If people can clearly see unambiguous and direct relationships between a person’s declining mental health and their suicide, in some logical way they can connect the emotional state to the behaviour.

However, suicide is a desperate act that still leaves surviving family members confused and shocked, because in reality, so few people who actually commit this final act of desperation display that sense of utter desolation and hopelessness in their last days.

For so many who end their lives, the turmoil, pain, and sheer hopelessness of their particular situation is played out in their own thoughts and creates within them a tsunami of emotions which overwhelms, devastates and envelopes them, and which few people are allowed to glimpse. The battle for these sufferers is often further intensified because these individuals undoubtedly have children, partners, parents, siblings, friends and relatives whom they want to shield from the intensity of their pain, and to whom they can scarcely describe what it might feel like to accept death as the only option for themselves.

The final catalyst for the sufferer is usually the loss of hope, because once there is any glimpse of hope still evident, the sufferer is able to cling to the chance that something in his/her situation will change and that life will improve. The feeling of hopelessness is usually internally generated and reinforced. It is the sufferer who thinks that things will never change and be better; that there is no future; that there will never be stability and wellness; that their life goals will never be met; that they will never be successful at anything; that life is a miserable existence and there is no point in being alive.

What makes a person consider suicide?

Thoughts of suicide can be triggered by life crises which persons experience, which, if not addressed, can lead to suicide attempts and actions. Factors which can trigger suicidal thoughts include a sense of hopelessness and despair, depression, feeling overwhelmed or desperate, feeling that life is out of control, feelings of guilt and extreme loneliness, chemical imbalances, low self esteem, traumatic memories and fears, recent significant loss and extreme fatigue and sleep deprivation. While most persons experience many of these occurrences throughout life and find external support and internal resilience to cope, other persons may have to deal with a combination of internal and external factors which leaves them severely depressed and unable to see things clearly or objectively. That could then lead to persons perceiving everything from a position of hopelessness and despair. It is that perception that often triggers suicidal thoughts.

So why is it sometimes difficult for persons to reach out for help and support before these thoughts take internal root, and before that last little light of hope is extinguished? A myriad of cultural, societal and spiritual factors often leave people struggling to find that balance between honest expressions of valid feelings, of knowing when to just “suck it up” because “that’s life”, and of visualizing and serving a God who will take care of all their problems.

Sufferers often struggle with the daily dilemma of burdening someone with their issues instead of being able to handle them on their own; especially if they recognize that others have similar problems yet find ways of coping and continuing life. Still others struggle with thoughts of being unable to bear the stoic cultural mores that suggest we “be strong” in the midst of life crises, and of daring to question of the Creator, “why me”? In the end, the person who perceived death as the only way out saw it burdensome, or even impossible, to fight the norm of people’s expectations.

In an ironic twist that makes it even more difficult for survivors to understand the despair a sufferer may have experienced, is that when an individual has made that final decision to take his/her own life, there is often a sense of peace associated with the decision. The sense of peace comes from the individual coming to terms with a way to end the incessant pain he/she experiences. Oftentimes, therefore, there is an outward calm, sometimes a lightening of the depressed mood that others may have observed in the previous months, or an emotional awakening that leaves concerned family and friends thinking that their loved one is beginning to feel better. Family and friends may have seen hope, whereas the person suffering may have just given themselves permission to end his/her life, because there was no hope.

Many people tend to view the ability to suffer in silence as a sign of strength and perseverance, qualities that are sought after and which are rewarded. While they are certainly personal qualities that speak to the essence of a man, perhaps in the quest to achieve them, we may have communicated an ambiguous message that may leave some floundering to know when strength comes from perseverance, in the light of unimaginable hardships, and when strength comes from being able to ask for help in such hardships. People will always feel overwhelmed by life crises; people will always face daunting tasks that sometimes leave them feeling unable to cope at the moment; people will always experience trauma that leave them feeling fearful and anxious. However, people do NOT have to feel that in light of all of that, that there is no hope to overcome them, for when hope dies, the person also dies.

Michele de la Coudray-Blake is Director-Counselling Services in the
Ministry of Social Development

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