Kittivisian Life

“LifeLines is a monthly column dedicated to addressing issues of mental, behavioural, and social health. The column appears on the 1st weekend of the month, and is written by professionals in the field of social work, mental health, and community medicine”.

Carolyn Brownbill

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty” Winston Churchill
Have you ever been to one of our ‘top class’ restaurants and wondered if you were responsible for the waitress’ bad day? Have you ever had a friend who always saw the worse in you and everybody else? Have you ever been to a store in Basseterre and heard the workers or customers just complain? Does it seem strange that some people always complain that they do not have enough time to be happy, yet they find enough time to be sad? Guess what?! Their deplorable plight has nothing to do with having sufficient or insufficient time. It has everything to do with complaining. After all, complaining is like denying yourself happiness; it’s virtually impossible to complain and be happy at the same time.

A well known ‘disease,’ NEGATIVE THINKING or, as a friend would say, “NEGATIVITIS,” has been plaguing our nation for some time now. This ‘disease,’ which includes complaining, pessimism, constant criticism of others, and self-defeating talk, is caused by ingrained patterns related to our own beliefs about ourselves and other people. Negative thinking not only creates bad feelings and causes misery or distress over life circumstance; it prevents us from confronting problems in constructive ways. Instead of seeing problems as normal, tolerable, manageable, or as challenges to overcome, there is a tendency to overreact and blow things out of proportion. Negative thinking can cause others to treat us differently/badly; it can also cause us to lose our friends, disrespect people, and be suspicious, hateful, or violent etc. Negative thinking most often leads to negative results.

It is as pervasive as the common cold, but far more damaging because it cripples the human spirit. We come across many ‘infected’ people on life’s journey. Their lives are entangled in a web of self-destruction. Everyday seems to be like inclement weather, overcast with thunder storms. They lack a sense of purpose, aspirations and a sense of identity. Darkness obscures their vision, keeping them from seeing everything good in their path. They become confrontational, apathetic and even cynical.

So what can we do to protect ourselves from this harmful/infectious disease? When you first learned about the H1N1 and its effects I’m sure you did everything possible to prevent yourself from becoming infected. It may be wise to do the same here. Let’s first review some of the harmful effects of negative thinking.

Your negative attitude can be self-defeating. When you complain, it is worse than doing nothing at all. It is like digging a ditch that you have fallen into even deeper. Every time you complain, it becomes increasingly difficult to climb out of that ditch. It is hardly a formula for success.

Negative people attract other complainers. Because those who live in a world of doom and gloom alienate others, they have no choice but to look for other negative people to associate with. This can cause a further slide into depression, self-pity, and hopelessness.

Recent scientific studies have shown that people who are always in a good mood and who strive to remain positive throughout the day experience less diseases and sickness than those who are always gloomy. Researchers from the University of Kansas say that staying optimistic is precisely what people in impoverished countries need. Failure to do what you want to do (be happy) causes physical and mental stress. According to researchers, a negative attitude not only prevents you from achieving your goals, but can also shorten your life by damaging your immune system (psychoneuroimmunology). So, not only can stress affect your health, leading to illnesses such as heart disease and ulcers, you can also become susceptible to a host of other diseases because of a weakened immune system. The constant stress that flows from a negative attitude also saps your energy, focus, and motivation, further diminishing your sense of well-being.

If a negative attitude is the only way you choose to deal with the difficulties of life, then you are already setting up yourself for disappointment, as you may always feel as if you are ‘the victim’. In this state, you are likely to simply sit around in misery, waiting to be ‘rescued.’ Be assured that you are waiting in vain because no one can rescue you from your own attitude but yourself.

When you say negative things about yourself to yourself (self-talk) and to others, you are unwittingly programming yourself for failure and creating self-fulfilling prophecies. For example: thinking “I am the worst conversationalist in the world,” “I always mess things up,” “I have no sense of humour,” “Anything I try turns out terrible,” “Nobody understands me,” “I’ll never be able to dance,” “I can’t do it!” “Woe-is-me,” “Why am I so ‘bad lucky’?” The only thing you are doing [with this self-talk is lowering your self-esteem and destroying your confidence, making things worse for you.

One of the things that you will notice about negative thinkers is their need to have the world behave according to their wishes. They have never grown up and still live with childish demands. Whenever people and the world fail to act according to their selfish wishes, they are unhappy. Such attitudes prevent them from growing and learning how to cope with life’s challenges.

Another adverse effect of negativity is that it sets you up for the ‘magic-bullet’ syndrome, where you spend your time looking for a quick, easy fix, when none exists. There is a fundamental law of life that states that anything worthwhile (such as your marriage, your friendships and your job) requires effort and hard work in order to achieve it. Negative thinking can prevent you from putting in the effort required to effectively achieve your goals.

So, do you have a negative attitude? How many years have you been that way? Ten months? One year? Five years? That’s how many years of happiness and success you have robbed yourself of. When you are blinded by your own negativity, you are prevented from seeing all the good things life has to offer.

So why not change your thinking patterns? By changing your habit of negative thinking, you can make many things less disagreeable.

? You first need to become aware of this habit and stop it in its tracks. Whenever you find yourself thinking one of your habitual negative thoughts, think “STOP!” This makes you more aware of negative thoughts and helps you reject them. Then practice substituting more helpful thought alternatives (e.g., “It may be challenging, but with a little effort, I can do it!”) every time.

? Those who say, “positive thinking doesn’t work for me,” have got it backwards. It’s not positive thinking that has to work; it’s YOU who have to work. For example, you have to work at appreciating what you have instead of making a fuss over what you don’t have.

? Try replacing unfulfilled longing with realistic goals or plans for change. When you can’t do anything to change a problem situation, work toward acceptance.

? View failure as a learning experience that teaches you what doesn’t work, so that you can succeed in later attempts.

? You will never find the solutions to your problems by pointing fingers. Instead of dwelling on sorrows, practice thankfulness for your friends, pleasures, strengths, and other blessings. You can find good in almost anything.

? Things happen only when you make them happen. You are the only person who can change your negative thinking/attitude and only when this is done will your suffering end.

? Always say inspirational and motivational things to yourself.

? Love and respect yourself and others.

? Optimism improves your social life and motivates you to never give up, which then turns failures and setbacks into ‘comebacks’ and successes. Your thinking habits can make your life a heaven or hell.

Negative people not only harm themselves; they harm the world. Instead of helping, they spread gloom and misery everywhere. If you insist on infecting others, why not infect them with love, kindness and laughter/joy? If you must carry something contagious, why not carry a smile? Let’s allow the good to always overshadow the bad/negative and vaccinate ourselves against this terrible disease, “negative thinking.”

Carolyn, is Counsellor, Ministry of National Security, Immigration & Foreign Affairs

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